Sneak attack..... Caught off guard

I've been reading a book titled, "How to Engage in Spiritual Warfare Victoriously" by Tony Owens and I came across this passage that seemed to stick out to me.

"The enemy examines us to identify our weaknesses. Again, he first examines the areas that you are weak in the flesh, and then he sees where you are weak or overly sensitive emotionally, and he attacks you there."

 I am a living witness to this truth. A few months ago, I had a small procedure done that left me in a lot of pain.  Afterwards, I had to stand in line for about 20 minutes to get my prescription filled. It seemed to be the longest 20 minutes of my life. I remember saying to myself that “I wish I had a husband to take care of me.” I began thinking about how much easier my life would be if I had someone to share my daily tasks with. As more time passed, I even became irritated that being the single woman that I am, I was even dealing with this alone. Little did I know that these thoughts would be the gateway for the enemy to launch an emotional attack against me.
The same day, I was approached by an individual that I have been relatively close with, stating that God told him I was his wife. He came across with so much confidence and certainty that it caught me by surprise. I had never considered this person to be someone I would date partly because we were such good acquaintances. I’ve been down this road many times thinking that someone I met was going to be my husband and after the last emotional escapade, I promised God I wouldn’t get overzealous next time. I promised God that I would seek Him first before even allowing my emotions and my thoughts to become tangled up in someone else.  The “guy” appeared to be the ideal catch.  He is a Man of God, college graduate, business professional, family and goal-oriented young man. Unlike my past picks, he had values. Some would even say that he is handsome. He has been there for me many times in the past in emergency situations so I know there was some level of concern he has for me BUT I still didn’t want to be involved with him unless God’s approval was on it.  I took the situation to my Father in prayer. The bible says in Mark 9:29 says that some things only come by prayer and fasting. The man I would spend the rest of my life with and the person I would invite into my most inner part of my life warranted a reason to pray and fast. I was prayerful for a week. During that week, many things happened.  The “guy” and I had a very deep talk about marriage and the rearing of children. We discussed our desires for our spouse and where we believed the Lord was taking us individually.  We went to church and took communion together. Things appeared to be going just like it should. The day after my fast, I was sharing the story with a few women of God, encouraging their hearts and explaining the importance of waiting on God.  An overwhelming peace came about me which was too heavy to stand on my feet.  The presence of the Lord surrounded me and I just had to sit in His presence.  Before this, I was very fearful, fearful of being wrong about the whole thing, fearful of opening myself up to a man, fearful of being in a relationship and having to trust someone with my heart, but after the Lord entered the room, I believed He was easing my doubts and calming my fears.   After my experience with God, I told the “guy” that I was all for it but yet I would still be prayerful about our future together and I trusted him to do the same.
 I was excited but prayerful that God would help me to not allow my excitement to become an idol. I stayed level-headed… to some degree. I fell in love with the idea of being in love.  I began listening to love songs and imagining what my life would be like as a wife to this “guy.” He is of a different descent than I so I began reading up on what his customs are and traditions that he have so that the transition would be smooth and easy. My thoughts remained pure when I thought of him. I dared not to taint the special thing that God was bringing to me. I appreciated God for the way things seem to be orchestrated.  The "guy" and I had known each other for about 5 years and he was never a threat. I was able to build a trust with him based on friendship which is how any lasting relationship should begin.  My son likes him and he seemed to “approve” of the idea of this “guy” being his step-father. After 5 years of being single and rejoicing with all those around me during their new engagements, babies, home acquisitions etc, I was thrilled to know something was finally happening for me. Emotionally, I was open. I was vulnerable but I thought I was safe.  I removed my guard so that I could really let the “guy” into my heart. Little did I know, I was letting more in that just this guy. About a month later, I was told by the guy he is "kinda seeing somebody"  I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Had I missed God? Confusion began setting in. Why would you continue seeing someone if you knew that God told you who your wife was. We kissed! Did that not mean anything to you? I prayed and I fasted and I was given peace in my spirit about you so why was I fooled? Why me, why now?  God, why would YOU let this happen? I quickly tried to re-group. I tried to pry my heart from underneath his foot and run back to the dark cave that I wanted to hide in but my heart seemed to be stuck between the grooves of his shoe and the asphalt. There was an emotional war going on inside my spirit. I was snappy, inconsistent, and unstable. I would laugh one minute and cry the next.  Depression was riding my heels. I was disappointed and I felt like God let me down.  I wanted so badly to force my heart to close but it wanted to remain open. I began doubting really being called by God because I wasn’t able to discern the voice of God. As the days passed, I became sadder and sadder, hopelessness and despair began sitting in my lap and no matter how much I tried to rise above it, I couldn’t find the bounce back in my spirit. I couldn’t pray because every time I tried, the whispers of “You aren’t good enough” and “there goes another man that has left you” echoed so loudly in my head.  I was becoming bitter and angry at everyone, friends, family and co-workers.  Inside, I was crying- screaming even but no one could hear me and no one could pick up on the words I wasn’t saying. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I dwelt on thoughts of how much happier I was when I was in the world shacking up being cheated on, used and abused. I knew that I needed to be saved but I was over it at this point.  Satan was trying to snatch the very joy of my salvation away and I was letting him.

Torn 2 Reborn Revelation:
My thoughts, emotions and longing for a husband in combination with the fact that I was physically weak made me a prime candidate for the enemy’s tactics. The plan of the enemy has always been, is, and will always be to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10)  He was trying to steal the joy of being unmarried that God had given me, kill my relationship with others and destroy my faith in God and the leading of His Spirit. Women have a tendency to be emotionally-led creatures but we have to watch out for this because our faith is not emotionally based. It is grounded and rooted in Jesus Christ. We have to guard our hearts and minds and cast down those thoughts immediately that are not of God. Philippians 4:8 tells us “Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things…… And the peace of God will be with you. This is what I failed to do.  Spending time mentally wishing I had a husband left me open for the emotional turmoil that came that very day. Instead, what I needed to do was thankful that God is a healer and I made it through the procedure and even able to stand on my two feet to wait in a line for the medication.  Be careful of your thoughts and emotional instability.  Don’t let it be a gateway for the enemy.  To God be the Glory God bless you all.